Judgement

There are times when I find myself laying on my bed, either too exhausted or in too much pain to move, when Java will come in and give me a look like 'Get up and do something Mum' (because she clearly would be British), and I realize in that moment that I have allowed my own cat to judge me.
Eleanor Roosevelt, in her 1937 autobiography, This Is My Story, said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". A brilliant quote from a brilliant lady.
A chat with roommate yesterday sparked my brain into over drive. Often at work, I find that I feel slightly ashamed. I feel as if people need to know that I'm still studying, that I'm a musician, something, because a part of me feels embarrassed to be 25 and serving tea to lawyers. I sometimes feel judged by the people that I serve, and I feel as if I need to clarify that this is not my chosen career path, that I am aiming for bigger and better things.
But wait a second... those people aren't ACTUALLY judging me are they? Nope. They really aren't. So what is my problem? I am doing a double judgment. I am judging them, thinking that they are in turn judging me. Thinking that they are too high and mighty to see myself for who I truly am. But most of the time, this is not the case.
Roommate, who studied psychology, brought up a very interesting point yesterday in the midst of our discussion. You know those beautiful girls in high school that all of us regular or not so popular girls tend to hate? We don't allow them to have any sort of feeling. They aren't allowed to be happy or sad or upset or struggle with things... we view them as being perfect and judgmental. We assume that they judge our every move, even though it's usually us that are judging them. I think that this still happens in every day life.
A attractive young lady came into work the other day and as I was making my way over to serve her, I actually thought to myself, this lady is going to suck... and yet she was nice and funny and we laughed together over lame comments we BOTH made... and I thought to myself after... what is MY problem!?
Sometimes I think that we are programed by society in many ways. Obviously, we are all aware of some of these issues, but what about this one? Where did we get the idea that beautiful people are jerks? Ok. Granted, some are. But some 'nomal' or even homely looking people (really, we're all beautiful, I'm just going with basic stereotypes here) are jerks too. So why is it that we are so easy and ready to judge the beautiful people who are snobs, who give us a dirty look, who walk all over us, who dump us? And less likely to judge the more earthy, normal, often more beautiful when you really get down to it, people who do the same?
I am a huge endorser of the thought that a personality can make you beautiful or ugly. The most beautiful person, to the eye, can have the ugliest soul. Where as the less attractive person, by the worlds standards, can have the most beautiful personality on the planet.
This huge rant kind of turned into something I wasn't planning. My main point, really, was that often when we feel judged by other people, it is often us, judging ourselves. Not them judging us.
I hope that all made sense... and we're all beautiful... :o)
Blessings and love
De