Disheveled.

I don't have nightmares very often. But when I do, they are of one of three things. 1. demons. 2. the most important people in my life dying. 3. tornadoes.
Ever since the Pine Lake tornado hit my camp ground what... 11 years ago?... I've been petrified. This tornado killed 13 people. I found out about it while on tour, in Barrie, Ontario. I was horrified, yet SO thankful when I found out that my family had not gone up that weekend... which... well... could only have happened by the grace of God, because they ALWAYS went camping at that point.
Ever since this happened the most re-occurring nightmares I have are of tornadoes.
Last night, my home town was hit by a tornado like storm. 120 km winds... coming out of nowhere, constant lightning, non merciful thunder pulsating it's way through the wind and the biggest hail imaginable. The damage is ridiculous. My family is safe. I haven't heard of any injuries, which I am thankful for. Yet the hail damage... is grotesque.
All day long, I have been looking at friends and families updated pictures on facebook from the aftermath of this spontaneous storm.... I look around my town... the town that I grew up in... which is always changing... and I am heart broken.
Things will be repaired. Life will go on. Insurance companies will smile with glee.
But something, a small part of you, dies when you see the place that you grew up and loved, looking so disheveled. Though always changing and growing, it still remains the one constant thing in my life... the one place I can go back to and feel safe and like I'm home...
To see it hurting... to see my town ripped up, torn apart, ancient trees pulled down by unseen giants in the night... sidding on old familiar houses now showing gashes like chicken pox all over these innocent homes... windows smashed through like missing teeth...
I am uneasy. I am grateful that everyone is ok. But a part of me is torn. I want to go back. To see this with my own eyes, first hand. To help repare what was damaged. I wish I could have been there to cower with my family in the basement in the middle of the darkest night of their lives. I wish I could just hug them all... right now... because when my world collapses... just a little bit... that's all I want. Is that reassuring hug that everything will be ok. And I know that it will be. In time.
Blessings and love
Deena