Pink once said in an interview that she likes to sit in her emotions. Instead of trying to move past the pain of an emotional breakdown or a mental low, she hangs out there and lets it pass on its own. You can see it in her songs. Her music is her diary, her soul. From Family Portrait to Who Knew, she puts her life and her scars out there for the world to see. She is comfortable with who she is and how she feels. She accepts, against the norm of what is acceptable, her feelings and emotions head on for what they are and invites them to spend the day. I look at her and think... what a brilliant, smart, wise and STRONG woman.
Society wants us to be happy at all times. To put on a happy face and shine through the rain. I think it's important to realize that life is not always great. Though I am a big advocate of praising God through the pain of a situation, I think it is completely legit to sit in your emotions. Embrace them for what they are.
Maybe it is the performer in me. When my greatest heartbreak happened, I walked into the kitchen, unable to stop crying, stared through the room to the outside seeing nothing and with tears burning scars down my cheeks thought... remember this emotion. Just like Serena in the musical version of Fame after she gets scorned by Nick. Remember this emotion... think of how to use it on the stage... My next thought after that was 'how sick and disturbed AM I!?'. I'm still trying to figure out the answer to that question.
I think Pink is strong because she is willing and able to show the world that she is real. She is human. Go figure. So many of us plaster on a fake smile every day. So many of us are actors. I do not want to be an actor in my day to day situations anymore.
I'm like Pink in the sense that I like to sit in my emotions. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. If i'm sad, I will watch a sad movie or listen to sad music. If my heart is broken, I'll listen to love songs and just drive that hurt deeper into my soul. Like I said, I think it is the musician/performer in me that does it. I have this need and desire to understand the human condition.
My heart is a bit hurt right now (though I'm 100% sure the person who has done the hurting has no idea... which leads me to another point that I will get to... in a minute...). So, of course, I watched a sad movie (Message in a Bottle. I bawled). Feeding the emotions... it's what I do.
On a completely different note... I find it incredibly frustrating that other people are able to hurt us. Even when we try not to let people in, they can and often do, end up leaving some sort of imprint on us, be it positive or negative. My current hurt is mostly my fault. I expected too much too soon. And the person on the receiving end gave me nothing in return. I was disappointed. But I think to an extent I created the disappointment myself. I expected something from this person. Much more than I got. So I have let go. Stopped trying. (and once again gotten nothing in return. Go figure). But it is my own fault I think. This man gave me no indication that he was ready for a relationship. Anyways... I am ranting now... whatever, it happened, it happened.
I should sleep... night
blessings and love
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