This has been a weird week. A good week. But definitely an interesting one to say the least. Many things have happened to me, many changes, both good and seemingly negative. Through it all, I am happy. I am content. I am reaching out and learning and growing. It is good. But then random things happen that, for some reason, shake you... this is one of those things. Though it seems like nothing and we laughed about it... it really got to me and I did not feel safe until I entered my house and locked the door.
I decided that I wanted to see a movie tonight. I figure I should before my life gets so busy that I don't have the desire or the energy to do so. So I called up a few friends and Mel, Erica and I decided to go see 500 Days of Summer. Fantastic movie by the way. Definitely worth seeing.
Now I'm a fairly observant person. I didn't really think much of the next few events until something happened later.
Erica and I met at Second Cup to grab a drink before the movie. There was a small Asian man in the store as well and he also ended up going to the movie theater. Erica and I arrived before Mel did, so we got in line and got our tickets the old fashion way. He was behind us in line. Erica was first up, I was second, and he ended up at the till that she had just been occupying. I heard him ask for the same movie as us and just thought it kind of strange that this guy would be seeing the movie. Took a small note of it, but nothing more. We met up with Mel and headed to the theater. When we got there, the first few rows were completely empty and we just ended up in the first row (it has this great railing that you can put your feet on without getting yelled on. Fantastic spot).
The movie was hilarious. Erica is brilliant to go to the theater with because she's so passionate about what's going on on screen :o) Haha I love it.
After the movie, we stuck around to watch the credits. I don't know... we all get a kick out of seeing peoples names and wanted to see the music credits as well. When we got up to leave, we were getting our stuff together and bam. The man is right behind us and he looks at us and asks us if we're in the 'industry'. Um... no. No we're not. "Oh no? You look like you're in the industry". Sorry. We're not. "Well, what are you in?" "Umm... the arts and medicine". "Oh. *looks at me* Why are you wearing a hat?" *nervous laughter* "Because I like hats?" and we leave... And he leaves with us... We head for the bathroom to put some space between us. We leave and see him hovering around the snack bar. We keep walking briskly and he sees us and comes after us. On the escalator we're stuck behind someone and the man is close behind us. As we exit the theater, we decide to go to Chapters. Surely he won't follow us in there... Clearly we're wrong.
We enter, so does he. This is a 3 story Chapters, so we think that we can lose him. We head to the second floor, which consists of a set apart music area and a Starbucks. As we're walking to the next escalator, we see our friend Chris in the music store and nearly attack him with happiness. We chat with him for a while. Man comes in and hovers, all around the small area, as we chat with Chris and try to think of a way to escape. We decide to split up in twos to see what will happen. Erica stays with Chris in the music store, while Mel and I head upstairs to see if they have any text books she needs for school.
Lucky us, he is suddenly upstairs and 'just happens' to end up in every single section than we end up in. Eventually we head back downstairs, to see how Erica and Chris are doing.
Now Chris, Chris is a good guy. The man has stayed upstairs, but by the railing right by the escalator so he can see us if we leave where we are. So Chris has decided that he will go to the escalator and chat the guy up if he tries to follow us. He must have succeeded, I have yet to hear his side of the story. We make a break for it. Erica is literally running out of the store, I'm sure they thought we were stealing. She runs to her bike and got home safe. Mel and I book it to Queen street so we can be surrounded by the masses.
Even on the subway, I was nervous. All of us were. Until we got home and were locked in our houses. I made the calls around, knowing that we all were safe, but just needing to hear it.
Now we are all strong, smart women. We can all take care of ourselves, stand up for ourselves, protect ourselves if we need to. But this situation just made us feel so vulnerable. I mean, Erica and I are both tall women. We had inches on this guy. Yet we felt vulnerable. We felt... violated.
It's a weird feeling. Being followed. I've been followed before, by guys who usually have been flirty or whatever and it's not that unnerving. They seem innocent enough and it doesn't feel that awkward. Sometimes the guy who constantly asks me out at work freaks me out. He'll stand outside of the shop and just stare at me for 30 seconds before walking away. All the girls know about him. I don't think he would do anything foolish. Sometimes I feel unnerved. Usually I feel ok with him.
But this guy. Though I could clearly take him out if anything were to happen. Though there were 3 of us. Though there were always people around. It can just make a woman feel so.... used.
I understand and get that women are not meant to be helpless and necessarily 'need' a man anymore. We're supposed to be these strong feminist types who can be independent and do things for themselves. But I don't always feel like a strong woman. This man, he made me feel so... small. Men are supposed to protect us. Men are supposed to make us feel safe. They are supposed to come to our rescue, like Dave did when Abby and I got our third flat tire on the side of the road in the middle of the night. THAT is what men are supposed to do. No matter how strong we make ourselves look. No matter how confident we appear. I know I need that protection. Tonight, when I saw Chris, I felt instant relief. Here is a good guy. A guy that I don't know well. But I know that he is a good guy. I know that he won't let anything happen to us. I know that he will help us with this situation.
Earlier this week, a random guy started talking to me in a tea shop. But he wasn't creepy and I felt instantly at ease. I felt like I had known him for years. And when he gave me his number at the end of our encounter, I knew that this was a guy that I would want to get to know.
So it is not every man. It is not every stranger that talks to me. I think I can read people pretty well. And this man... there was something not right there.
Mel thinks he was following me, because he came after us to the third floor. I don't know if I agree with that necessarily. But I do know that I still feel unnerved. I feel, like I've already said, violated. What makes any man think that he has the right to do that to us? And why are we, why am I, so willing to give him the power to make me feel so useless and afraid? That's the real question.
Blessings and love
Deena
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment