growing...

As most of you know, I have been through the ringer in the past few months.
Setting foot in Toronto after a fantastic trip to Saskatchewan, I was completely naive to what lay ahead of me. While visiting my old Bible College in Sask, I had prayed for brokeness. This, God granted me. I was greatly encouraged and extremely broken during one particular chapel experience that I will never forget. This, however, was just the tip of the ice burg. I was blissfully unaware that when you ask God for something like brokeness, and He thinks that you are ready for it... you'd better be prepared for what lies ahead. And I am extremely grateful.
As my life kept being challenged and changed and the tears kept pouring over the last few months, I found myself drawing deeper and deeper to my Savior. But I also found myself learning more and more about myself.
One of the most incredible things that I have taken from this experience is a renewed sense of emotions. As I have drawn closer to my Lord, I have found that my emotions have become more raw and exposed. My heart breaks over little things that I see in the world and bubbles with joyous laughter over the most ridiculous (I laughed the other day for 5 minutes, with tears rolling down my face over the word 'hearty'. As in 'hearty soup'). And I am loving every minute of this. I also feel like my eyes have been opened. I am more friendly, making more of an effort with customers at work... I'm beginning to remember and realize that if I can make their day a little bit better, than this is something that I would like to do.
On Wednesday, a regular came into the shop. We've never really chatted with her, but she comes in quite frequently and has always been pleasant with us. I was alone, and she came in on the phone, with tears streaming down her face. She was speaking in another language, but unabashedly approached me and ordered her tea As she continued to weep, I felt myself tearing up as well. I have no idea what was going on, I have no clue why she was this upset. But I was touched that she was humble enough to share this emotion openly in front of me. As I handed her her tea, I handed her a note that simply said 'I hope your day gets better :o) " and she smiled a tearful smile at me and mouthed the words 'thank you'. As she left, my eyes welled up again. It feels as if I am so in tune with my Creator that I am getting a small glimpse into His heart. And I love it and am thankful for it.
I was reminded yesterday of a newer song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Downhere. The chorus goes:
Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am"
I love that. Somehow my story, is part of Your plan... WOW. That's kind of amazing. Somehow He uses me, in ways that I cannot fathom. I want to be open and willing to be used.
Thank You Lord for these reminders in my life, and my new found heightened emotion. It is all a blessing.
thank You Father!
Blessings,
Deena