4 bad habits and a plane ride

(apologies for my suddenly pessimistic attitude, I have been reading Julie & Julie by Julie Powell lately and she is incredibly pessimistic towards herself, but in a funny and quirky way. Please note that this is how I mean this next hodgepodge of words that have been haphazardly strewn together. I hope you can make some sense of it all for surely I cannot)
I do not enjoy flying. I never have. Generally the flight is uneventful but every so often we have bad turbulence and my body just goes into panic mode. The funny thing is that my brain doesn't. I'm not nervous. I'm not anxious. Somehow my body does not realize this. My trip back to Toronto from Calgary today was not one of these flights. Thank goodness.
It was, however, a typical flying day for me. Every time I fly back to Toronto from Calgary, my flight leaves fairly early in the morning to make up for the 2 hour time difference on the other end. Makes sense. As a result, I look less than perfect on these flights. I basically roll out of bed, attempt half heartedly to cover up any horrible blemishes, pull a brush through my now slept on (therefore flat and greasy) hair and throw on whatever clothes I haven't packed. I am amazing. Once I get to the airport, I silently curse all of the women who look like they just spent hours at the salon. Perfect. (ok we all know I don't curse, not even under my breath or generally in my mind, so this is just a slight exaggeration, forgive me)
The plane ride was, as stated, uneventful. I watched some of the food network (a current addiction, and as I do not get it here in Toronto, I had to get one last viewing in), slept on and off and read a bit. All the while, my hair getting greasier and greasier. I felt great. Like a star.
As I sat there, feeling like I just may possibly be the most disgusting person on the planet, I caught a whiff of my new, too expensive but amazing, perfume and felt a little bit better about myself. But then I realized that I have 4 bad habits, brought up with me from childhood that I need to stop. They bring me down. They really, truly, are my downfall in life.
As someone who goes to (and gets rejected from) many auditions, I often think of what the auditioner looks for. I know it is more than just how I sound, but appearance as well (I'm proud to say that in my latest rejection letter, I was told that though I am a horrid singer, I looked fabulous. I may be paraphrasing). This is no New Years resolution. None of that junk. These are 4 struggles that I have been dealing with my entire life. Help me to stop. I beg you.
1. I pick my nails. Yes, you read that correctly. I do not chew my nails. I pick at them. The cuticles especially. I know. I am a monster. It gets bad. Really bad. Painful. I feel like my red and oozing fingers are just calling out to the world like a neon sign "help me! make her stop!". This is unacceptable as I am in a profession that requires me to use my hands. Not that a lot of people will notice but... I mean really... I doubt that Musetta picks at her nails. My finger nails themselves are generally in pretty good shape... but this causes a problem for number 2...
2. This is absolutely disgusting. If you didn't think I was a monster before, you will now. Anyone who knows me and spends time with me on a regular basis is probably used to the fact by now that I always have some sort of disgusting scabby red mark on my face... because I cannot help but pick at my pimples. Any or of bump on my face or person... if it is there, it must be gone. I cannot handle it. This goes hand in hand with the dreaded "c" word that I can't stand. Obviously this is a big no no. Often this is why I feel so hideous (we all know I'm kidding about all of this, yes? Good. Now that we're on the right page...)
3. While we are dealing with the face, a more minor problem is my lips (are my lips? They are plural... Carolyn, help me out here...) They are constantly dry. As a result, I am constantly chewing on them, which I KNOW makes them dryer. What is my problem? Am I just an awkwardly nervous person?
4. I cannot stop twirling my hair. I am constantly touching it. Playing with it. Running my hands through it. Which makes it prematurely greasy. And brittle. Which means I need more hair cuts than I should. Which also means that though I can start the day with a fantastic, full bodied head of hair, I end the day with a greasy limp mess.
It really is a fabulous life. As I was washing my hands in the bathroom and cursing the perfect model beside me under my breath (see disclaimer above) after the flight, I glanced in the mirror and thought ok. I guess I don't look that bad. It's always better than we think.
Night guys
Blessings
Deena

Let the failing begin...

Well, it's already happened, as I assured you it would. My so called resolutions have already headed out the window. Mainly the 'to lose weight/get in shape' and 'get to bed earlier' ones. Yet I think you'll be happy to know that I have some fantastic excuses for my current failure. Ready? Lets start with the later. Actually... it may be easier to start with the first.
Mom and I went to this fantastic restaurant today called the Pasu Sheep Farm. It is quaint country vista, nestled into the foothills of central Alberta. Just a mere fifteen minute drive from the home I grew up in, it is a perfect location for two hungry women to venture and so we did. They have a wonderful little gift shop, with a lot of sweaters and trinkets, the first made of alpaca and sheep wool. Brilliant. The restaurant itself needs a bit of an upgrade. But the old wood, African artwork and home style yet classy food made it incredibly inviting. The owners are from South Africa, hence the aforementioned art. I cannot honestly remember the last time I was there. I'm sure it hasn't been 9 years (like I am leading myself to believe...) The last time I remember being there (though I am positive I have been there since), I was with my best friend from high school. We went out there because, obviously, my flavor of the week was working as a cook. In fact, he actually bought our lunches, which was incredibly sweet of him. I had forgotten about that until I entered the building.
I had also forgotten about the incredible and mouth watering wild mushroom soup. 9 years later and I can still remember the delicious flavors exploding in my mouth. This soup, I exclaimed to my Mom, had to be in my belly. Now. So you can understand my problem. This soup, though extremely delicious, is also made out of heavy cream and butter. Yum. A great and healthy choice if I do say so myself. We both knew that the soup would not fill us up, so we both ordered other things as well. Now, because it is a sheep farm, Pasu has a lot of lamb on the menu. Neither Mom nor I am a huge fan of lamb. I am a bit of a picky eater and do have some food allergies (though I did bring some pills to help me eat wheat, which was smart because....). Well... Mom and I both ordered the chicken pot pie. Believe me. It was worth the extra pound. I am not going to lie. But I did feel a bit guilty. I keep reminding myself that I do not eat like this in Toronto. So why then do I allow myself to eat like this now that I am home? After a shared pot of tea and our gorgeous meal, we snooped and browsed through the gift shop, when Mom and I both took part in the 'buy one get one half off' sale because really, how can you pass that up? (This also ties into my resolve to be better with my money. Thankfully, however, Mom paid. Bless her heart). I'm not going to lie, my Mom bought me the most amazing wool toque EVER. You think yours is better? I beg to differ. (note the attached and very professional picture)
This all ties in to why I am up late. I was feeling a bit of a mushroom and chicken coma by the time we got home and was sprawled out, exhausted for most of the evening on the couch, reading Julie & Julia. Well, around 10:15 I started to feel guilty. So I crawled downstairs to do a yoga video that is supposed to be for beginners, but I must argue that is it not. After practically crying from frustration (ok I honestly flew through it better than I ever have before. But this is not saying much), I limped my sorry butt back to the couch, where I just had to finish the chapter I was reading. Because honestly, it was about killing lobsters and really... I was quite disgusted with the whole thing and wanted to get through it fast. I think if I put the book down knowing that I was going to have to pick it up to read that again... I would never pick it up. C'est la vie. These are my excuses... an amazing restaurant with brilliant soup. And a chapter on killing lobsters. I feel they are valid. Tomorrow is a new day, I will not let today's shameful display affect me too deeply, because I really did have a fantastic time with my Mom. So, I consider today to be a win. (Though it's only the second and you and I both know that I failed miserably). Here's to tomorrow :o)
cheers
(how amazing is my wool hat!?)
blessings and love
De
(it'll also make your life to know that behind my head is a giant poster of Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys. Yes. I know. My head was strategically placed)

it's too late to write but...

I figured I would.
Oh New Years. 2010. WEIRD. The time for resolutions... people vowing to change things in their lives for the better, knowing that they will give up or forget about these changes within a matter of weeks. I don't like making resolutions. Though I do it every year. Haha. I just so happen to be one of those people who always fails at them. Go figure. I can't commit! (but really, what other than my belief in Christ and my passion for singing can I commit to?) But this year... as per usual... I am going to try... care to help?
Lets see... what resolutions will I fail at this year? Good question. I guess I will just make them up as I go along... though one I know for sure.
One of my closest friends is getting married June 26th. Though I don't know if I've made the cut to be in the bridal party or not (I would love it, but I'm determined not to be upset if I don't make it in... because really... how pathetic would I be if I was angry about this? It's her wedding! Sheesh! She can do what she wants!)... either way, I am going to this wedding. And I want to look good. Better than I do right now. So of course, my first resolution is the same as most other peoples out there... to lose weight. (this includes working out, ballet, swimming, gym, eating right)
I would also like to do a thorough clean up of my room. I have a bunch of clothes that could and should go to good will. I have a bunch of stuff that should just be thrown out, yet I'm a pack rat and am sentimental so I have a difficult time with this. But in the weeks to come, I will not be working quite as many hours as I usually do, so I figure that this will be the perfect time to tackle this project and to get a good start on the losing weight one as well.
I also would like to eat out less. In Toronto it is very common to eat out a lot. But I find that I spend so much money in one week, simply eating out, it is ridiculous. Plus you never know for sure what is going into the food and with my sensitivities to certain foods, it would be much better for me in the long run if I just cooked a lot more.
what else... I always say this one too, but I would like to keep in better contact with my friends.
I also would like to spend less time on the computer, read more, and go to bed earlier. Now this is pathetic to be writing this down because it is currently 2:22 am and I am on the computer writing this... sheesh Deena sheesh.
You're right. I should just go to bed. I think I am going to do this... but I would love some accountability in these things. (Especially the weight/eating better thing). I'll write about it... keep you updated, but I would love it if you would like to help me out with this.
Alright... bed time... what are your failed resolutions going to look like? :o)
blessings and love
Deena