realizations

I realized today that I consider myself to be a burden on other people. Even writing this, I feel like... oh... what a burden it will be for other people to read this. Then why do I write? No idea.
I look into my future, into the possibility of marriage, and I feel sorry for my future husband, who will have to deal not only with my over dramatic emotions, but my crippling fibromyalgia as well. And I feel like a burden.
I feel like a burden on my family. The simple fact that certain family members never call me, makes me feel like they would just rather not deal with the burden that I am. Yet they have to put up with me... well.. because they are family.
Why do I feel this way? What has happened in my life to make me feel like the biggest burden in the world? Is it the fibromyalgia? Life has definitely become more complicated since being diagnosed with it 7 years ago. But something within me knows that before I was diagnosed, I still felt this way, with my friends... so what is it...
Maybe, probably, it is my misconception of myself. Like the rest of the world, I have a very tainted view of who I am. It is usually not that great.
I was talking with a friend the other day about love and relationships. He said that he fears that he does not have the capacity to love. My fear is that I do not have the capacity to trust that you, the guy in my life, has the capacity to love me. Or wants to love me, for that matter. But why? Why is this my struggle? Everyone has the right to be loved. Why do I feel unworthy?
Sigh. I am feeling better. But these new struggles keep emerging on a daily basis.
Maybe some people are just made to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders, and others are meant to be happy and joyous at all occasions... I wish there was a happy medium. Lets try to find that happy medium.
love
Deena